Hazing
by gwenstacey
Summary: Perhaps it was unwise for the Hokage to assign an undercover mission to two people with such recognizable features. And when Tobi is the one to recognize them, it only goes down hill from there. Crack Re-done


Warning: I would suggest reading through chapter 397 of the manga before reading this, Small Tobi spoilers, but it doesn't say who's behind the mask.

"Hazing is at term used to describe various ritual and other activities involving harassment, abuse or humiliation used as a way of initiating a person into a group." - Wikipedia

And I don't own Naruto. Do I really even have to say that?

~begin~

Raido was currently cursing his fate and wondering what God he had pissed off so abominably that he got stuck in this situation. He had been in a bad mood since the coffee machine had broken three days ago, and now he was being sent out of the village without the aid of the team he normally trusted with his life. He turned his gaze to the pinkette strolling beside him and lazily taking in her surroundings.

_'__She probably thinks the woods are pretty' _he scoffed to himself. _'How come I get stuck with the glorified babysitting mission?'_

As Raido thought this Sakura turned towards him with a thoughtful look.

_'I wonder what's going on in his head,'_ she thought, _'he looks awfully grouchy, though I doubt he's the 'do you want to talk about it; type. Ah well, so long as he's not directing his ire at me I'll just try to stay out of his way. At least the woods are pretty.'_

In reality, Tsunade had sent the two out to follow up a lead on some unusual activity Jiraiya had made note of in the last report he had sent. Sakura was sent out because Tsunade thought that she needed more field experience. Raido went because the Hokage couldn't think of a better person to watch over her protégé than the man who was trusted enough to be her predecessors bodyguard.

As they approached the village that was to be their destination Raido took hold of Sakura's elbow and led her off the path and into the woods rather unceremoniously.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" Sakura protested. Riado's scowl deepened.

"I think" He began in a tone that showed how thoroughly unpleased he was, "that we should get changed before we enter the village, seeing as we're supposed to be under cover for this mission, and I didn't think that you wanted to strip down in the middle of the road. But if that's your preference by all means go back and change there."

By the end of the tirade Sakura's mouth was hanging open and her face had turned red, though if it was from anger or embarrassment she wasn't quite sure.

"I am not an exhibitionist." She hissed back.

Raido simply threw a pack at her in response and went about digging through his own to find a suitable outfit, keeping his back to his companion. Sakura turned away from him herself and went about trying to find proper clothing.

~break~

Not far away, in the town the two ninja were heading for, a man was sitting in his hotel room looking at a list and shaking his head.

"Honestly," he said quietly to himself, "I know that if I want to maintain my cover I'm going to have to go through with this, but I didn't expect them to try and haze me. I'm trying to start an evil empire not a frickin' fraternity."

He scowled once more before doing a few jumping jacks to help him get into character. He then picked his orange mask up from the bed, placed it on his face and walked out of the room with a slightly childish bounce to his steps.

Back in the now empty hotel room room the list lay on the bed where its owner had left it. The top of the page read _"Step One: Steal something obvious from a Konoha Kunoichi and live."_

~break~

Sakura walked into the village wearing a plain pink kimono and matching white obi, twirling her necklace around her finger. She gazed at the different street vendors and shop windows and felt confident in her ability to act like a civilian; she had, after all, been watching her mother do it all her life.

Raido sighed as he followed a step behind Sakura. He knew it fit their cover, but he hated window shopping.

_'At least she doesn't look like she wants to actually go in anywhere. Maybe I'll be able to make it to the hotel without my brain self combusting as a result of sheer boredom.'_

~break~

Tobi glanced down the street and spotted the two Konoha shinobi almost instantly. He raised an eyebrow and chuckled to himself.

_'They look like they think they're undercover. Really now, if Konoha wanted to send someone undercover they shouldn't have picked people with such defining characteristics. That pink hair stands out for miles, and there are few who wouldn't recognize a former Kage bodyguard, even if he didn't have that scar._' he sat back and mused to himself for another moment. _'Maybe they're only undercover from the villagers and not other shinobi.'_ He nodded to himself, and then looked back at the pair.

"In any case," he said to himself, "that is definitely a Konoha Kunoichi, and if she doesn't want to break cover she won't even be able to chase me." He smiled to himself, "Now what can I steal from her." Sakura took this moment to once again twirl her necklace around her finger. Tobi allowed himself a devious smile.

~break~

Raido felt the presence a moment before he saw the orange blur streaking towards them through the crowd. It took him less than a second to realize that at the speed the other was moving there was nothing he could do short of hope the attack wasn't going to be fatal. Still, he took the only moment he had to place himself between Sakura and the rapidly approaching figure.

The masked man stopped short when he realized there was a sudden obstacle between him and his goal. A very tall and well trained shinobi obstacle. He cocked his head to the side and debated for a moment.

"Tobi is a good boy!" he shouted, "Can he see the pretty lady?"

Raido blinked a few times rather than answering and wondered if there was a psychiatric hospital near by that the other man could have escaped from recently.

Deciding taking action was best he started to reach out and take hold of the man, but found the space in front of him suddenly empty. Raido's eyes went wide and he spun around in time to see the figure grab onto Sakura's arm and spin her around. Rai now found himself grabbing Sakura to keep her from face planting into the dirt as a result.

"Thank you!" The masked figure shouted, waving behind him as he shot down the street.

"What on Earth was that about?" Sakura asked, as she shifted to be able to stand on her own again. Raido simply shook his head and continued watching the cloud of dust the retreating figure left in its wake until his attention was called to Sakura as she let out a startled cry.

"My necklace is gone!"

~break~

Twenty minutes later found Tobi back in his hotel room rolling in laughter.

"I don't believe how easy that was." He choked out, wiping a tear from his eye, "And the look on his face was priceless. It's been to long since I've had this much fun. Lets see what comes next" He grabbed his list.

_Step two: Replace a Shinobi's underwear with lacy panties_

Tobi raised his eyebrow as Raido's face floated in his mind's eye before he broke into another round of devious chuckles.

~break~

"This is going to be to much fun."

As this was going on, Raido and Sakura were riding the elevator up to their room in a different hotel. Raido had confiscated the chocolate that Sakura had been gorging herself on after she realized she wasn't going to get her favorite necklace back, and now he was watching her frown get deeper and deeper as she stood across from him in the elevator.

"_First, I'm going to bury him up to his neck in a termite mound, then I'll use him as a stick in a nice game of fetch with that big nin-dog of Kaka-sensei's , then I'll let the academy students use him as a target for weapons practice."_ Sakura went on and on in her head.

Raido sighed. He didn't mind her being gloomy, but the devious glint she had in her eye right now had to go. It reminded him way to much of Tsunade just before she sent someone that had pissed her off on a mission to see if the Iwa swamps still stank as badly as usual.

"Sakura-chan." No response, "Sakura-chan" he called a little louder, still nothing. "Stop having an inner-Sakura moment!" He shouted. Sakura looked up and blinked, coming back out of herself. Then she blushed.

"Oh, Tsunade told you about that." Sakura said rubbing her arm. Raido let his head fall into his hands.

~break~

That night Tobi found himself carefully slipping along the ledge that wrapped around Sakura and Raido's hotel. Sure, he could have used chakra to just scale the wall, but that would have increased the risk of him being detected.

Glancing in the window he saw that both occupants of the room were sound asleep, tucked into their respective beds. He smiled and slipped the glass open before sliding silently into the room. He tiptoed his way over to the dresser, and started searching for his target, grinning as he found a drawer filled with dark blue boxer-briefs.

~break~

Raido had been aware of their late-night visitor since he had stopped to look through the window, but he was biding his time and trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation. If it was the man from earlier then he would have to think of a way to slow him down before he did anything else if he wanted to stand a chance of stopping him.

He had also decided, after going back over the mission report, that this man was probably the reason that they were there. Since the "unusual activity" was large dust clouds just like the one the man left in his wake earlier today.

Raido suppressed a groan when Sakura shifted and then tossed a Kunai at the intruder, who beat a hasty retreat out the window. Raido had shot out of bed and met the man at the window, but he wasn't able to stop the others escape. He did however, come out of the scuffle with the mans mask.

"Sakura." He started, intent on lecturing the girl, before he had to dodge a kunai that she had lobbed in his direction. "Hey, cut it out! It's me! You aren't supposed to throw weapons until you've properly accessed a situation!"

"Huh?" Sakura said sleepily. This time, he didn't manage to suppress his groan.

~break~

Tobi cursed at the man who had taken his mask as he ran quickly and quietly across the roof tops. Now he had to waste time finding a new one instead of getting to stay and see the look on the mans face when he realized what he had done to his underwear drawer.

Raido had finally managed to wake Sakura completely up. He had actually gotten a great deal of sick enjoyment out of dumping cold water onto the half sleeping girl.

"We're going home tomorrow." He stated once she had stopped seething long enough to listen to him. She looked up surprised at his statement.

"What? Why?"

"Because we need a bigger, more experienced team to be able to stop this guy, and our cover has obviously been blown, seeing how he keeps singling us out." Came the answer. Sakura only nodded, she had to admit she hadn't been much help. "Now, I need you to back me up. I'm going to see what he did to the dresser, and you'll have to help if he's set traps on it."

Sakura nodded, determined to be a help, and Raido stepped over to the dresser and started carefully opening drawers. Finally he came to the one that housed his underwear. He opened that drawer and blanched visibly.

"What is it?" Sakura asked cautiously, before bursting out into laughter as Raido held up a pair of bright pink, lacey, thong panties.

"He left this to." Raido said, tossing something at the pink haired Kunoichi.

Picking it up Sakura saw that it was a photo of the masked man waving at the camera. A closer look showed that he was wearing the necklace he had taken from her earlier. Her mood darkened instantly and she looked back up at Raido almost sinisterly.

"Hand over the chocolate, and nobody gets hurt," She hissed. He didn't hesitate to comply.

~break~

The next day Tobi stood atop one of the village buildings watching the two shinobi leave.

"Hey Tobi, I see you have a new mask. **_It looks stupid_**. No it doesn't, it's just new. _**He looks like a snail**._ There's nothing wrong with snails."

Tobi Sighed.

"Hello Zetsu-san" He replied, and then a large smile spread across his face when Raido shifted as though his underwear were very uncomfortable.

~End~

AN: Poor Raido


End file.
